| Spa Etiquettes - Not Really, but they're FUN ! |
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Keep these handy and hilarious tips in mind next time you're at the tubs.
- People wearing jockstraps tend to make it with other people wearing jockstraps. Nobody makes it with people wearing pink bikinis.
- You can have a heart attack fucking in the whirlpool.
- It is extremely hazardous to your health to attempt to inhale poppers while under water.
- Saying, "I'm resting"to everyone who seeks entry into your room defeats the purpose of going to the Spa.
- If everyone who said "I don't come here often" was telling the truth, there would be no one there.
- Those who lay naked on their stomachs with their Asses in the air remind one of electric pencil sharpeners.
- Conversations in the orgy room should be kept to a minimum. Grunts, groans, notice that "I'm Cuming," and invitations to do it in a room instead are acceptable; discussions of the weather, ex-lovers, favorite lubricants, the quality of the darkness, and the pros and cons of cockrings are not.
- If you are looking for a wonderfully spiritual union with a kindred spirit, you are in the wrong place.
- Do not assume that the guys walking into walls are on some weird new drug; most likely, they have just left their glasses in their lockers. It is better to look good than to see “good”.
- Once in a while, do your good deed for the gay: let an old troll suck your cock. The Great Fairy in the Sky duly records such magnanimous gestures, and when you are an old troll, the favors will be returned in kind. Yes, Virginia, that's the way it works.
- Please realize that bathrooms, even those at the Spas, do have legitimate purposes. Giving someone a blowjob in a cubicle while outside the locked door seven guys are turning various shades of green will not make you popular.
- If you are tempted to wear a Lacoste shirt with your towel, understand that many people would find it a capital offence.
- Finish what you start!
- If you see a man in a room with a can of Crisco, a thick belt, and a bottle of poppers neatly arrayed on the little table, before entering, be certain you know the purpose of all three items.
- When it's past the wrist is not the time to say "no".
- It's okay to bring your own rope; it's not okay to tie yourself up.
- Spending seventy-two consecutive hours at the Spa will neither destroy your reputation nor greatly enhance it.
- If you are at the Spa busily cheating on your lover, don't make a scene should you discover him there.
- People who say, "I've never done that before," should be informed that the ability to deep throat is not genetic.
- Those who lose the keys to their rooms or lockers are never heard from again.
- The law of increasing good looks: People tend to become more attractive the longer you are there.
- In the dark all cats are grey, but ten inches is still better than six inches.
- Men with small cocks can be sexually tremendous if they are technically proficient, but men with big dicks don't have to know a damn thing.
- Doing it for England is as valid a reason for doing it as any.
- A primitive tribe in Borneo does not have a word for "no" in its language. Natives deny sexual favors by looking mournful and saying, "I'd like to, but I just came."
- After twelve guys in the orgy room have fucked you, you will never again convince anyone with your coy routine.
- Asking to borrow someone's cocking is even more tasteless than asking to borrow someone's comb.
- Law of maximum discomfort: When they call your room number or locker number to the front desk you will inevitably be in a position impossible to get out of quickly without seriously injuring yourself.
- You can cause a panic by yelling, "There's a man in room 379!"
- For a real hoot, go to the Spa without having used alcohol or drugs. It is truly amazing how fabulously you will be able to make out when you are the only one there in a solid state.
- Giggling is not a correct response to, "Wanna fuck?"
- If you can remember the title of the porno movie that was showing in the "rest section", you did not have a good time.
- It is pointless to consider why guys who won't even talk to you at the bars are so eager to suck your cock at the Spa.
- Spending more than two hours with one number at the Spa makes you two "an item." More than four hours makes you engaged. On a good night, it is possible to commit bigamy.
- For some unknown reason, it is considered embarrassing to make it with someone you already know.
- No one ever believes the line, "We're really not lovers."
- At all times, remember that tubing is participation, not a spectator sport.
- Spending hours deciding what to wear to the Spa is a particularly insane waste of time.
- Never try to explain the Spa to heterosexuals.
- Possession of more than three bath cards makes you a serious faggot.
- Mary's law of the weight room: People working out are doing it for your benefit, not theirs.
- Formal attire means a black jockstrap.
- Contrary to popular belief, one can indeed be too clean.
- You can never be too rich, too muscular, or have too big of a dick.
- Believe it or not, it is possible to have good sex without using poppers. A man in Moncton claims to do it all the time.
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And those are just a few tips on proper SPA ETIQUETTE.
Use them wisely and pass the knowledge along
to those newcomers who may need it.
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The Spa is located at 2199 Gottingen Street, Halifax
Phone 902-444-DOGS (3647) 1-888-837-1388
SeaDog’s Sauna & Spa is highly respectful of YOUR privacy.
Any information that you choose to give us remains in the strictest confidence
and under no circumstances made available to third parties.
You will never receive anything in the mail from us.
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Please help us to improve by completing our in-house survey or
send us your comments via Email, Fax, or Snail Mail at:
Sea Dog's Sauna and Spa
Fax: +1 (902) 455-3856
Suite 303
3045 Robie Street
Halifax, Nova Scotia B3K 4P6
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